Friday, March 8, 2013

Brag Blog


Just a little moment to brag on our 14 year old angel. In this whole chore system-- after dog walking-- she would give up cooking if she could. She has to prepare dinner two nights a week. She is not into it. She isn't what you would call an enthusiastic cook, but she trudges through her task with about as much excitement as a bump on a pickle.

Well, this week we stepped it up. I dropped her at Publix with my debit card and her grocery list. She was not thrilled at the thought of going in alone and, to be honest, I had trepidation as well. Not for any reason in particular, but it just seemed strange. I don't know why because by her age my mom was sending me into the grocery all the time, but it was just odd seeing her go in alone with a list. My thought was that if she owned the whole dinner it would make her feel more attached to the meal. I mean it's worth a shot right?

After 15 minutes sweet teen angel emerged with ingredients for our dinner and a smile. She said, "I feel so grown up!" And then she said, "Did you know you can get both soft and hard taco shells in one box?" It doesn't take a lot to get us excited here at the Dew House.

Next I dropped she and baby angel at home to start dinner and I headed off to get the other one from tennis. The girls were on their own. They did a great job! Taco dinner with homemade seasoning and two types of shells. Along with rice and all the fixings, it was a great dinner and all the better knowing it was thought, bought (sort of) and prepared by the girls! Our kids really can do more than we think.

**As for the picture....she had just finished playing golf and really didn't want me to take the picture so we compromised. I wanted to take it in the Publix parking lot, but she wasn't having any of that...can't blame a mom for trying!


Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Date Night Done Right



My husband and I have done date night since we were dating. It is Tuesday night. All of our friends are aware of date night, our kids know about date night, even our ex spouses know about date night. It's our thing. It sounds great that we have a weekly date night...and it is...most of the time.

A funny thing happened to date night after we had been married awhile. Date night turned into fight night. Not every week, but enough so that we had a streak of date night arguments which ended date night in tears and hurt feelings. I can't even tell you what we argued about. I am sure it was kids or chores or something stupid. Aren't all major fights actually over silly things like taking out the trash? Another thing that changed in date night was the quality of date night. I was not getting as dressed up as I use to and he wasn't planning like he use to. We were simply going through the motions of keeping a commitment, but the passion and purpose of date night were a distant memory. Now, don't get me wrong. It wasn't this way every week, but overall we had lost our way.

My sweet husband and I were talking about this the other day and he had a great idea. Make date night like it use to be. Okay...that sounds simple, but really. In our busy world and crazy lifestyle we have to be intentional about each other. The purpose of date night is THAT, not to air all the family's dirty laundry. So instead of date night being a place for me to go to bat for the kids on a controversial topic, date night is just about us. We have six other nights to take on family issues. The kids are off limits. For some of you, it may be a quiet date night. Try it. It's hard, but with the kids out of play, you may just learn something new about your spouse.

Date night is about courting and being courted. 

My husband's role is to pursue me throughout the day like he did when we were dating. You see, we haven't been married all that long so some of you longer marriages may have forgotten totally. Let me refresh you.

Men, call your wives throughout the day. If you can't call, send her text. Check in. Tell her you are thinking about her. You can't wait for date night. Come on guys...it hasn't been THAT long. Pursue her!! We want to know we are in your thoughts.

Ladies, think about your men during the day. Send them a text and make it flirty. Plan your outfit, shave your legs and be on time for your date. Put your best foot forward. What if this was a date with someone you didn't know and you were trying to impress them? Be open to being courted. Nothing can crush a man like not being received well.

When my husband pays me a compliment and I am grunged out in my yoga pants, I tend to roll my eyes and wonder what he's up to...I am not open to receiving that compliment because I don't feel the way he is seeing me. Getting dressed up makes me more receptive to those compliments because I feel good about myself. This one thing can change the whole energy of the night.

Dating is a dance that we do and one that is essential to keeping that side of your marriage alive. 

Find a night in the near future and get date night on the calendar. Who doesn't want to be courted? Those were the days that made us want to get married and with good planning and commitment those will be the nights that make us want to stay married. 

Take it from a couple who has lost a marriage...it is fragile. Be intentional about loving each other and making each other top priority...then make sure you communicate that to one another. Don't put it off. We are getting back to dating in the Dew household. I hope to see some of you out and about with us!




Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Awkward and Weird...Middle School is in the HOUSE!



Awkward and weird have become the new buzzwords at our house of teens and preteens. It seems with middle school things that use to be normal or funny are now awkward and weird. As my girls become more aware of what their friends think and less concerned about what I think, I have also become awkward and weird. And here I thought I was hip and cool...not so much!

My 6th grader does not have a cell phone. EVERYone else her age has one...this according to her of course. And she probably isn't too far off from that being fact. It does seem the age for cell phones is getting younger and younger. Our family takes a fairly conservative stance on cell phones and texting in general. Our 9th grader got texting for Christmas and she was literally the last one in her class. However, since getting texting I don't talk to her on the phone anymore. She just texts me. I may hear from her more often, but rarely by her voice. That's sad to me.

Recently my 6th grader was pitching me her latest on why she should have a cell phone and I was listening with rapt attention. Her argument was that she just didn't know what to tell people when they asked for her number. I told her to give our home number. To which I got a roll of the eyes and a "Mooommmm, that would be so weird". WHAT?? What is so weird about that? She went on to explain that if someone other than her answered the home phone her friends would think that was weird. Really? She went on to educate me by telling me that they all have their own number and they are the only ones that answer their phones so it is not weird at all. 

Okay...now who is weird?

Have we really gotten to the point where kids can't converse with adults or siblings on the phone when they call for someone? This is all the more reason NOT to give her a cell phone. I know it is convenient for our kids to have a cell number, but is convenience causing us to lose sight of the bigger picture? Think about the identity of having your very own number to be reached at by all of your friends. That is a HUGE privilege!! 

I worry about our kids and their communication style. I don't know that waiting until 9th grade for texting did any good for us or if she jumped in and didn't miss a beat. I do think we missed the middle school text drama and for that I am thankful. My goal in delaying a phone is simply to make sure that my kids are mature enough to handle the responsibility that goes with the privilege. 

Texting is here to stay, but we are still the parents and setting limits with technology is still our responsibility. Each device or app requires more parenting on our part. Maybe the reason I don't give phones/texting sooner is that I am just lazy. It's one less thing I have to police. I am okay with that. And for now, you can reach my 4th and 6th grader on the old fashioned land line (ours is even attached to the wall...gasp!!).