My husband and I have done date night since we were dating. It is Tuesday night. All of our friends are aware of date night, our kids know about date night, even our ex spouses know about date night. It's our thing. It sounds great that we have a weekly date night...and it is...most of the time.
A funny thing happened to date night after we had been married awhile. Date night turned into fight night. Not every week, but enough so that we had a streak of date night arguments which ended date night in tears and hurt feelings. I can't even tell you what we argued about. I am sure it was kids or chores or something stupid. Aren't all major fights actually over silly things like taking out the trash? Another thing that changed in date night was the quality of date night. I was not getting as dressed up as I use to and he wasn't planning like he use to. We were simply going through the motions of keeping a commitment, but the passion and purpose of date night were a distant memory. Now, don't get me wrong. It wasn't this way every week, but overall we had lost our way.
My sweet husband and I were talking about this the other day and he had a great idea. Make date night like it use to be. Okay...that sounds simple, but really. In our busy world and crazy lifestyle we have to be intentional about each other. The purpose of date night is THAT, not to air all the family's dirty laundry. So instead of date night being a place for me to go to bat for the kids on a controversial topic, date night is just about us. We have six other nights to take on family issues. The kids are off limits. For some of you, it may be a quiet date night. Try it. It's hard, but with the kids out of play, you may just learn something new about your spouse.
Date night is about courting and being courted.
My husband's role is to pursue me throughout the day like he did when we were dating. You see, we haven't been married all that long so some of you longer marriages may have forgotten totally. Let me refresh you.
Men, call your wives throughout the day. If you can't call, send her text. Check in. Tell her you are thinking about her. You can't wait for date night. Come on guys...it hasn't been THAT long. Pursue her!! We want to know we are in your thoughts.
Ladies, think about your men during the day. Send them a text and make it flirty. Plan your outfit, shave your legs and be on time for your date. Put your best foot forward. What if this was a date with someone you didn't know and you were trying to impress them? Be open to being courted. Nothing can crush a man like not being received well.
When my husband pays me a compliment and I am grunged out in my yoga pants, I tend to roll my eyes and wonder what he's up to...I am not open to receiving that compliment because I don't feel the way he is seeing me. Getting dressed up makes me more receptive to those compliments because I feel good about myself. This one thing can change the whole energy of the night.
Dating is a dance that we do and one that is essential to keeping that side of your marriage alive.
Find a night in the near future and get date night on the calendar. Who doesn't want to be courted? Those were the days that made us want to get married and with good planning and commitment those will be the nights that make us want to stay married.
Take it from a couple who has lost a marriage...it is fragile. Be intentional about loving each other and making each other top priority...then make sure you communicate that to one another. Don't put it off. We are getting back to dating in the Dew household. I hope to see some of you out and about with us!
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