Thursday, February 28, 2013

Moderation Mama


Finding the balance between toughness and love in parenting my children is the number one problem I face in being a mom. 

I want a rule book that says, "When Child A says X, Mom says Y". I must have left that book at the hospital. 

Speaking of the hospital, am I the only mother out there who couldn't believe that the nurses were letting me take this little person home? I remember thinking inside that even though I had read every book and logged hours of TLC's Baby Story, this real live baby was freaking me out and I didn't know what I was doing.  

Thinking back to that day, I realize that those nurses should have absolutely blockaded the doors. I didn't know what the heck I was doing, but with parenting the learning is IN the doing! 

I have made  make more than my fair share of mistakes daily in parenting. I am an all or nothing kind of girl. I am either eating three meals a day at Krispy Kreme or I am on some low carb something or other diet and running 3 miles a day. All in or all out. I can be that way in parenting as well. 

I can either be super permissive and disconnected or Army General and over the top. I am working on being more in the middle. Moderation in all things...right? I have been angry way too much with my kids and I have turned my head way too often as well. And every single day that I have been a mom I have felt guilty about something. 

My prayer is that God covers the gaps that I leave and that I will have enough money for a college fund AND a therapy fund! 

Happy Weekend! May your household run in smooth moderation!

Wednesday, February 27, 2013

The Update: End of Month Two



Okay fellow frustrated parents, here is the update on The System after two months! 

The system itself is still in place and two months for anything around here is world record so for that I am proud. I will say that the enthusiasm level has decreased and the dings have crept up this month. We are close to pay day though and it is funny how each angel was checking the calendar this afternoon and counting their dings to see what extra chores could be picked up to nullify their deficit. I am not sure that all will be even, but I love the effort. 

Struggles

My youngest angel is, as expected, struggling the most. She is built like her mama so I totally get the lack of attention to detail (the hardest part of this system is ME remembering to check everything). I am not an organized, together mom and my baby girl is her mother's daughter. It has given us great opportunities to talk about procrastination and organization. She is still working on a system that works to help her remember, but she is not defeated and for that I am thankful. My fear was that she would be so far behind her sisters that she would toss her hands up. We have stressed that this is not a competition, but I worried it would become one anyway. So far, so good. 

Adjustments

We made one adjustment after our first month. We had asked each girl to walk a dog each day (3 girls, 3 dogs) for 20 minutes. That proved to be too much the first month so we adjusted and let them walk the dogs 4 times a week for 30 minutes a walk. This way they can look at  their schedules and decide which days work for them. They also learned this month they have to look at the weather as well. If you asked any of them what chore they would give up it would be the dog walking, but it gets them and the pooches out and moving so I don't see this chore going away, but being the model of flexibility that we are...we adjusted. 

The System in Action

 A couple of weeks ago we had middle of the week spend the night company. We never do this, but a friend needed some help while she was out of town. The morning before school was kind of crazy and when I got home I noticed that the youngest's room was a mess. Her bed had been tossed up, but other than that, it was a mess. My first thought was, "Well, we did have a crazy morning". Then I went in the other girls' rooms. They were clean and all the other morning chores had been done. So I went back to baby girl's room. I cleaned it up....the way I like to clean it! Then I wrote the ding on the calendar. Now, if this was pre-system days I would have cleaned it up and then shown her the room after school proclaiming how this would be the last time I would be doing that for her (really...how many last times have I proclaimed in her short 10 years?). Instead, I did what I really wanted to do deep inside which was clean that mess up, and she took a consequence for it. Win-Win!

One other cool thing that happened this month was that a friend of Emma Kate's had a birthday party that asked for donations instead of a gift. She was able to use her charity money for that party. She was so excited to give "her" money to that cause. Love that!

If you ask the girls on any given day and they hate the system, but ask them on pay day and it's the greatest thing ever! I even got a text from my 14 year old asking if this was pay week. This is worth all the moaning and groaning. We are making baby steps!

Let me know how you have adapted this system for your house and any ideas that you find that work!


Sunday, February 24, 2013

What is "Right"?




I have been overwhelmed these past weeks by the response to Dewing Life. It has made me feel less alone on this parenting road. As I look at all the pictures of moms and dads and grandparents that have "Liked" our Facebook page, I see loving parents and precious kids. I have been humbled by the private messages and emails I have received encouraging me in my own parenting journey as well.

We can all find parents that we think are doing it better than us and ones we think are doing worse. I started this blog out of my failings. I wish I had been more on top of things when my children were smaller, but I missed so now I am catching up...and it's way tougher now than it would have been at 3 and 4. But I hope it's easier now than at 16 and 17.

What is "right" for one family may not be for another. For example, just ask the question "What age should a child be to receive a cell phone?" and see what kind of discussion gets going. There are varied opinions on so many parenting issues we are all facing. Our kids have more technology than we could have dreamt of as children and know so much more about it than we do. It seems their innocence is being threatened at every turn with more and more sexual and violent images on every screen while we are left trying to figure out how to work the new remotes in our living room. 

Navigating parental waters these days is treacherous. We as parents face so many more obstacles and challenges than our parents did. And because of this, I know I am guilty of getting bogged down in checking to see what everyone else is doing instead of figuring out what works for my family and my children based on our values and the actual needs of my children. 

What I am afraid is happening is that culture is driving our parenting decisions instead of solid parenting driving our culture. 

I have to make sure I am doing what is "right" by what I actually think is right...not what every other parent is allowing their child to do. Just like putting my kids in 7 sports at age 4 to make sure they were not left behind, I now feel pressure to Instagram, SnapChat, Tumblr, Facebook, cell phone and text now so that my angels aren't left out or left behind as the world of social media moves on without them.

Parental peer pressure is as tough as teen peer pressure. I mean honestly, I would be lying if I said I didn't want my kids to be included and not be left out or behind, but that is not the point I should parent from. I want to be best parent I can be and I hope by saying no and setting limits based on what my children need...not out of fear they will be left out or left behind I will edge a little closer to that goal.

Making sure these angels leave our home with a relationship with Jesus, grateful hearts, humility, knowing how to say they are sorry, a good work ethic and a good sense for right and wrong is what I hope to accomplish. That's a lot of teaching and parenting right there! 

Some of those lessons will be taught by me saying no and allowing those chips to fall where they may. Doing the right thing is most often never the easy thing.