Bullying or Meanness...and does it matter?

I have been asked to speak to my children's school staff on the topic of bullying vs. meanness. This is a topic that has gotten a lot of press and conversation over the last few years starting with the Columbine shootings. As I gather my thoughts and do my research I would like to hear from some of you about your own experiences with bullying no matter which side you may have been on at the time. Maybe you are a parent with a child who is experiencing bullying or maybe you realize that you were a bully.

Do you think that bullying is a word that is overused? Do you think that sometimes kids are just mean and that doesn't make them a bully? 

Stopbullying.gov says this about the definition of bullying:

In order to be considered bullying, the behavior must be aggressive and include:

• An Imbalance of Power: Kids who bully use their power—such as physical strength, access to embarrassing information, or popularity—to control or harm others. Power imbalances can change over time and in different situations, even if they involve the same people.
• Repetition: Bullying behaviors happen more than once or have the potential to happen more than once.

Bullying includes actions such as making threats, spreading rumors, attacking someone physically or verbally, and excluding someone from a group on purpose.

The imbalance of power is the key followed by the repetition. 

Have the incidents gone up in the last few years or are we more aware? Does the blame lie with the parents? Are we raising entitled and unempathetic children? How do we cut down on the bullying? Or is it kids being kids? 

I want to hear from you! Your thoughts and experiences! 

Cleaning out the Closets

What if you had a dinner party for several couples most of whom you did not know and you opened every closet and drawer in your home as it is RIGHT now? No straightening, no cleaning...as it stands. For some of my super organized friends that is perfectly fine, but for the vast majority of us that strikes fear and makes stomachs turn. I know it does for me. 

If you are like me when I have guests over I have a few places that are off limits and that is where the last minute clutter lives. The main part of my house is beautiful and clean. The candles are lit and the decorations are out, but if you walk into the closet under my stairs things might fall out on you. I, for one, would be mortified to open every closet and every drawer for people I don't know and even for some that I do know. I want you to have the impression that my party-ready house is my everyday house. And isn't it that way with our emotional clutter too? Don't we want people to think our church self or our party self is our true self? How many times have you seen couples in social settings and thought, "Wow...they really have it together" only to find out they are divorcing? They were projecting their party ready self and hiding the truth in the closets and drawers.

But in my life, Jesus already knows about my secret closet where I hide my anger and resentment. He knows about the drawer where my jealousy lives side by side with my insecurity. He has seen under my bed where I keep my critical spirit and self righteousness. Now I would never trot those things out at the dinner party just like I don't want you to accidentally open the junk drawer or walk into the laundry room where stacks of dirty clothes live. 

I think I am doing a great job of hiding all the mess in my life, but it leaks out. At first only my family sees my secrets, but slowly over time if I am not confessing and facing those closets and cleaning them out before God the mess begins to spill out into the living spaces of my life.  Just like closets in our home, the closets of our life can only hold so much clutter. We have to clean them out which means opening them and looking through the stuff. That can feel scary and overwhelming.

Whatever clutter you have in your life closet just start with one thing and sit with that one thing before God who already has a detailed inventory anyway. Confess it and ask for His strength in throwing it out. Don't be an emotional hoarder!

Psalms 139:1-15

You have searched me, Lord,
    and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise;
    you perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down;
    you are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue
    you, Lord, know it completely.
You hem me in behind and before,
    and you lay your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
    too lofty for me to attain.

Where can I go from your Spirit?
    Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
    if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
    if I settle on the far side of the sea,
 even there your hand will guide me,
    your right hand will hold me fast.
If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
    and the light become night around me,”
even the darkness will not be dark to you;
    the night will shine like the day,
    for darkness is as light to you.

 For you created my inmost being;
    you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    your works are wonderful,
    I know that full well.
 My frame was not hidden from you
    when I was made in the secret place,
    when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
 Your eyes saw my unformed body;
    all the days ordained for me were written in your book
    before one of them came to be.