How to begin when my
emotional closet is so full? One thing at a time is how we start with our
physical closets. It takes time and intentionality to clean out our literal
closets. The same goes for our emotional closets as well.
First of all, we have to open the closets in our life. We have to be courageous enough to look under our emotional bed and face the clutter that is there. Some have locked that closet and thrown away the key. For many the resentment of someone or the righteous anger is so ingrained in us to throw it out would be to lose a part of who we are.
For example, I know a man whose wife cheated on him with his best friend. This best friend turned on my friend and began to spread terrible rumors and untruths. He was sly though and the wife never saw that side of her new love. My friend was bitter. He was wounded so deeply that he could not let this injustice go. He could admit that he had not been a perfect husband, but he endured many lies and hateful words throughout this ordeal that kept him reeling. He put that self righteous anger in the closet. He had been done wrong on so many levels. He never got an apology from either of the offending parties. It was a dark and lonely time. The years went on and from time to time he would get this injustice out and she would feel all over again the righteous indignation that he felt in the beginning. It felt good to be right. But what he could not see is that every time he mulled that over he was also becoming bitter. This event in his life, because he didn't let it go and put it in the closet, was spawning other clutter that was even tougher to let go of. So now, when he goes to the emotional closet to do some purging it feels overwhelming so he closes the door and walks away. And the feelings of hurt and bitterness and anger and righteousness stay with him.
Why? What's the solution? No doubt this man was wronged and wounded by her closest friend and lover. But how could he have avoided the clutter nearly ten years later?
It starts with remembering who we are. We are sinners. In situations like I described above where the sin is open and "big" it is easy to point fingers, but at the foot of the cross all sin is equal. If it was not so then we could all walk around with measuring sticks. I could feel good about myself because my sin is not as bad as yours. I may gossip from time to time, but I would NEVER cheat on my husband. But my gossip can be just as wounding as a cheating spouse. My gossip is a betrayal just like cheating. God judges it all the same. Sin is sin.
Romans 2:1 says "You, therefore, have no excuse, you who pass judgment on someone else for at whatever point you judge the other, you are condemning yourself, because you who pass judgment do the same things." ----OUCH!
Coming face to face with who WE are as a sinner in our own life shaves away at the self righteousness we can feel when we are "done wrong". Sometimes (okay...a lot of times) I am way more interested in sifting through your closet and looking at your sins than doing my own cleaning out.
Back to my friend. When we look at ourselves honestly in light of the cross what leg do we have to stand on to not forgive someone else? Satan loves an unforgiving spirit that is stored away in our emotional closet because then he can create bitterness so much easier. Each of those stands in the way of a true view of the Cross.
Confess and deal with your own sin and responsibility in your relationships. Grieve the losses and the wounds both that you caused and that were done to you. Spend time with Jesus hashing it out and be honest. He will take even your feeble attempts and make good with them.
First of all, we have to open the closets in our life. We have to be courageous enough to look under our emotional bed and face the clutter that is there. Some have locked that closet and thrown away the key. For many the resentment of someone or the righteous anger is so ingrained in us to throw it out would be to lose a part of who we are.
For example, I know a man whose wife cheated on him with his best friend. This best friend turned on my friend and began to spread terrible rumors and untruths. He was sly though and the wife never saw that side of her new love. My friend was bitter. He was wounded so deeply that he could not let this injustice go. He could admit that he had not been a perfect husband, but he endured many lies and hateful words throughout this ordeal that kept him reeling. He put that self righteous anger in the closet. He had been done wrong on so many levels. He never got an apology from either of the offending parties. It was a dark and lonely time. The years went on and from time to time he would get this injustice out and she would feel all over again the righteous indignation that he felt in the beginning. It felt good to be right. But what he could not see is that every time he mulled that over he was also becoming bitter. This event in his life, because he didn't let it go and put it in the closet, was spawning other clutter that was even tougher to let go of. So now, when he goes to the emotional closet to do some purging it feels overwhelming so he closes the door and walks away. And the feelings of hurt and bitterness and anger and righteousness stay with him.
Why? What's the solution? No doubt this man was wronged and wounded by her closest friend and lover. But how could he have avoided the clutter nearly ten years later?
It starts with remembering who we are. We are sinners. In situations like I described above where the sin is open and "big" it is easy to point fingers, but at the foot of the cross all sin is equal. If it was not so then we could all walk around with measuring sticks. I could feel good about myself because my sin is not as bad as yours. I may gossip from time to time, but I would NEVER cheat on my husband. But my gossip can be just as wounding as a cheating spouse. My gossip is a betrayal just like cheating. God judges it all the same. Sin is sin.
Romans 2:1 says "You, therefore, have no excuse, you who pass judgment on someone else for at whatever point you judge the other, you are condemning yourself, because you who pass judgment do the same things." ----OUCH!
Coming face to face with who WE are as a sinner in our own life shaves away at the self righteousness we can feel when we are "done wrong". Sometimes (okay...a lot of times) I am way more interested in sifting through your closet and looking at your sins than doing my own cleaning out.
Back to my friend. When we look at ourselves honestly in light of the cross what leg do we have to stand on to not forgive someone else? Satan loves an unforgiving spirit that is stored away in our emotional closet because then he can create bitterness so much easier. Each of those stands in the way of a true view of the Cross.
Confess and deal with your own sin and responsibility in your relationships. Grieve the losses and the wounds both that you caused and that were done to you. Spend time with Jesus hashing it out and be honest. He will take even your feeble attempts and make good with them.
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