Mom: "Oldest Angel (because I call on her first every time because she is generally the most reliable...this isn't conscious, but it is what happens), come unload the dishwasher and be sure you load it back."
She runs down and takes care of it.
Mom: "Younger Angel, can you grab the mail and walk the dog honey? She's been in all day long?"
She comes in and does both.
Mom: "Oldest Angel, can you set the table and fill the glasses with ice?"
She does and asks if there is anything else she can do to help with dinner.
Ok....now really! I WISH this is how it went in my house. When I dream, I dream of this!
Normally the responses to these requests are met with "just a minute" or a whiney, "Moooommmmm, I just did something, can't you ask the other ones?" or " Moooommmm, we are playing Wii, can't you wait just a minute?" or "Why do I have to do everything around here? My sister doesn't do anything! Why aren't you asking her to do something?" Then I would engage in the childish argument that my child had set forth instead of just killing the talk right then. Before you know it I am in a full yell and lecture mode about how much they have and how lucky they are and all they are hearing is "blah blah blah". How many times did that lecture end with "Things are gonna change around here". And they would... for a week.
The beauty of the new system we set up is that the expectations are clearly defined for each child. In a perfect day (which happens only on occasion) I should not have to remind, nag or even ask them to do anything other than something extra I need like bring in the groceries. This takes the heat off of me and puts it on them. They now have a list both printed and posted that is their accountability. For example, I went outside with our visiting puppy this morning, I walked to the mailbox because I didn't remember seeing the mail yesterday. There it was still tucked in the box. I grabbed it and just wrote a ding on the calendar. No lecturing.
Whether you pay your kids or not for chores is a decision that each family has to make. We pay in order to create a family economy to teach the kids about fiscal responsibility. If you don't "ding" for money (see The System and The Trap of Entitlement if you are just now catching up to our journey) then you have to instill some clear consequence in order to teach. I'm embarrassed to admit that my consequence use to be a lot of talking and lecturing that only taught my kids how to tune me out completely. It is amazing that to this day my oldest precious angel can actually not hear my voice when I am right next to her!
We were clear when we designed this that one of the main parts of this system requires the kids to come off of my wallet and onto their own. Paying them for work gives them money. This money is not just for their liesure and pleasure and a bonus to what I already give them, but it is a replacement for things I use to pay for that I do not anymore. The angels want to drive thru McD's after school for a shake? Awesome! Do they have money? Sometimes it is yes and sometimes it is no and sometimes one does and one doesn't. Isn't that the way it is in college? Sometimes you have money to go on a late night Taco Bell run with your friends and sometimes you have to say no.
We cover their basics. If they have a good pair of tennis shoes for school, but see someone in a pair they want more? Awesome! Do they have money? No? Save it! Pick up extra jobs to earn more! We are supportive in helping them think of creative ways to earn, but not here to be their bankroll anymore! They will not have me to bankroll them in a few years and if they don't learn to save and wait on something I am failing them!!
This instant gratification generation is being fed by well meaning parents like me because I want them to have the latest something something that will make them feel cool and hip. Okay...that last sentence is a whole other blog!!
I am sending my kids the wrong message. See again...the problem starts with me. I helped my angels right into this predicament!
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